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I've been reading a book about Dewey Readmore Books, a cat that lived in the public library of Spencer, Iowa. It's a very touching book, and I'm really enjoying it. I love the snapshots of life in a small town, and the sense of community that such an existence fosters. It inspires me to seek out opportunities to get involved in my own community as well. I think it's something that can do you a lot of good. Third places require effort. While some of it is definitely a result of society becoming less accomodating to gatherings, I think another big part of it is is people not willing to actually go out and get involved, myself included. I remember a little before covid I volunteered to help out with a series of yearly art exhibits. It was a fun experience where I made memories and met good people. The exhibits have long since resumed since the pandemic, but I haven't even thought about going back.

I went through a phase where I thought I needed to figure myself out. Throw myself into a whole bunch of hobbies to try to find the one for me. The thing that comes naturally that I can do for the rest of my life. Well I never found that thing, and I doubt I ever will. What I did find was that when thinking back, my best memories aren't about me hitting any arbitrary goals I set for myself, but instead about interactions with other people. Just mundane conversations and jokes, moments spent together. Even if the memory does feature some sort of activity, the good part has nothing to do with the activity itself but its relation to others. When I go to a driving range, I don't look back fondly on how well I hit those golf balls; I remember me and my friends laughing at each other's swing. I have a hunch that for performers, the real rush doesn't come from nailing the performance but from the applause afterwards. And of course, it's not about bending over backwards to appeal to people. It's about connection. If you went up on stage to do something from your heart, and only one person applauded, that applause wouldn't sound any different.

Naturally, I'm not advocating spending every waking moment with others. This would drive anyone crazy. I know for sure that certain things, such as going to the gym, are activites reserved for me that I do not wish to share with anyone on a consistent basis. But I'm definitely not spending as much time with others as I should, or, if I'm being honest with myself, as much as I want to. I feel a yearning to go out and create new, deep connections with others, and it's time I recognize it for what it is.

An important caveat with this topic is what to do when you just don't like someone. I think you just shouldn't hang out with them. There's a few friends I have that I just don't enjoy hanging out with anymore; I would much rather be alone. Maybe they changed, I changed, I don't know what. It can be a shitty feeling cause I have good memories together with them, but I don't think it's a bad thing. Those memories will always be there. It's much better than torturing myself. I don't hate them or anything either. I'll catch up with them over online messenger services, and if they ever needed something important from me of course I'd be there. We were close at one point after all. I just would much rather do anything else than hang out.

Besides all that, I set up and tried out emerald seaglass today. This is the first ROM hack I've ever played, and it's been good so far. The aesthetics are really cute, and it just feels so nice to experience all the sights and sounds of Hoenn again. Gen3 was my generation. Sapphire and LeafGreen were the two first Pokemon games I ever played, and they'll always be special.